What Can You Actually Control, If Anything? Taking the Reins with Epictetus

What Can You Actually Control, If Anything? Taking the Reins with Epictetus

Ever feel like you’re trying to hold onto sand, and the harder you squeeze, the faster it slips through your fingers? That’s a lot like trying to control everything in life—it just doesn’t work. What often happens is that life’s events end up controlling everything instead.


But what if I told you there’s a way to hold onto what truly matters? Stoic philosopher Epictetus had some thoughts on this, and they might just change the game for you.

Okay, I know I talk about this all the time, but that’s because it’s so simple yet so liberating. Epictetus taught that there are three things we can control: our thoughts, our intentions, and our reactions. I like to phrase it as what we believe, what we love or hate, and what we are attracted to or avoid.

What We Believe

What’s in your head can run the show. If you believe traffic is a nightmare designed to ruin your day, guess what? It probably will. But what if you see it as a chance to listen to your favorite podcast or an audiobook? Suddenly, it’s not so bad. Our beliefs shape our world, and the good news is, we get to shape our beliefs. Start by questioning the stuff that makes you miserable—chances are, you can shift your mindset and lighten the load.

What We Love or Hate

We all have stuff we love and stuff we can’t stand. But clinging too tightly to these feelings can turn us into puppets, yanked around by every encounter. The Stoic solution? Take a step back.

That person who cut in line or the friend who never texts back doesn’t have to ruin your day. It’s about easing up on the emotional gas pedal and finding a more chill way to navigate life’s ups and downs. And remember, you’re that somebody sometimes, so don’t forget the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.


What We Are Attracted to or Avoid

It’s natural for us to be drawn to some experiences and shy away from others as if navigating a minefield. However, our instincts aren’t always reliable guides. Have you ever avoided an awkward conversation, only to realize later that the anxiety of avoidance was worse than the conversation would have been? 

Mastering our initial reactions can lead to wiser decisions and a smoother journey through life. Next time you feel that instinctual pull or resistance, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself why you’re reacting this way. Could there be a better approach you’re overlooking?

Conclusion

Epictetus was onto something big here. By focusing on what we actually control—our beliefs, our loves and hates, and our attractions and avoidances—we can steer our own ship, no matter the waves. Give it a shot, and see how these tweaks can turn your days around.

Got any stories about a time you shifted your perspective and it made a difference? I’d love to hear them! Drop a comment.  Or, take a moment today to jot down one belief or reaction you want to work on changing. You might be surprised at what you can control when you really put your mind to it.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Power of Silence

Image
How Stoicism Helps Handle Disrespect at Work: The Power of Silence   We’ve all been there—trying to help a coworker, only to receive an email that feels like an attack. Rather than gratitude or constructive feedback, their response is filled with negativity and criticism. The urge to fire back, to defend yourself, is strong. But as Stoics, we know there’s a more powerful approach: silence. Why Stoicism Teaches Us to Choose Silence When faced with a disrespectful email, it’s easy to get caught up in anger or frustration. But Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “You always have the option of having no opinion.” The Stoic approach is to step back and recognize that it’s not the event itself that disturbs us, but our judgment of it. Choosing not to respond is an act of wisdom. The Importance of Emotional Control in the Workplace Your first reaction may be to defend yourself or set the record straight. But responding from a place of emotion can pull you into the very negativity you’re trying to...
Read more

What’s the Point?

Image
  What’s the Point? (And Why That Question Matters) At some point, we all ask it. What’s the point of all this—working, striving, chasing, worrying—if we all end up in the same place? The writer of Ecclesiastes doesn’t sugarcoat it: “The wise have eyes in their heads, while fools walk in the dark; but I came to realize that the same fate overtakes them both.” That hits hard. It’s a truth most people spend their lives trying to avoid. But if we’re brave enough to sit with it for a minute, there’s actually peace on the other side. Because if all roads lead to the same end—if we’re dust in the end, no matter our title, bank account, or followers—then maybe the real value is found in how we live, not in what we accumulate. That’s a Stoic idea, too. Marcus Aurelius said, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” Same message. Different robe. The point isn’t to be morbid—it’s to be clear. You don’t have to chase everything. Y...
Read more

I Know I Don’t Know When to Give Up

Image
When I was a teenager, I worked in a hotel restaurant. One night, water started pouring into the cloak room. I grabbed a mop and got to work. I didn’t ask questions, didn’t call for help, didn’t stop to wonder where the water was coming from. I just mopped—bucket after bucket, like I was going to win the fight by sheer effort. It didn’t stop. And neither did I. Eventually, the hotel manager came by. He looked at the growing puddle, looked at me, and said, “You can stop now.” I did. But not because the job was done—because someone made the decision for me. That moment sticks with me. Not because it was dramatic, but because it was true. I don’t know when to give up. Still don’t, really. And that trait—it’s helped me, hurt me, and shaped me. Looking back, I can almost hear Marcus Aurelius whispering: “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” If I’d understood that as a young man, maybe I wouldn’t have tried to mop up life itself....
Read more