The 3 Things We Control



Embracing What’s in Our Control: A Stoic Guide to Navigating Life’s Challenges

Life can be a whirlwind of things we can’t control—bad weather, other people’s actions, or a job we might despise but are stuck with. But what if I told you that, according to Stoic philosophy, there are only a few things in life that truly belong to us? Let’s dive into Epictetus’ wisdom and see how we can apply it to everyday challenges.

Epictetus’ Wisdom on Control The Three Things Under Our Control

Epictetus with
his crippled leg. 

When it comes to what we can control, I like to think of it in three simple categories:

1. What You Believe: Your thoughts, opinions, and judgments about the world and events.

2. What You Love or Hate: Your desires, attractions, and impulses—what you are emotionally drawn to or repelled by.

3. What You Are Attracted to or Avoid: Your preferences and inclinations—what you seek out or try to steer clear of.

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? But how does this match up with what Epictetus, one of the great Stoic philosophers, had to say?

Epictetus’ Wisdom on Control

Epictetus, in his Discourses, breaks it down like this:

“In our power are three things only—opinion, pursuit, desire, and whatever aversion we feel. In a word, whatever is of our own doing. The things not in our power are body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”

In simpler terms, here’s his list:

1. Opinion (Beliefs): Your judgments and interpretations.

2. Pursuit (Impulse or Desire): What you seek, love, or are motivated to do.

3. Aversion (What We Avoid): What you choose to avoid or reject.

As you can see, these ideas align pretty closely with the list I started with, though Epictetus focuses a bit more on the philosophical aspects of our inner world.

A Tomato Story: Can We Change What We Hate?

To bring this down to earth, let’s talk about something as simple as hating tomatoes. According to Epictetus, your dislike of tomatoes falls under your control. It’s not the tomato itself that’s the problem—it’s your opinion about it. If you wanted to, you could work on changing that opinion. Maybe you start thinking about tomatoes differently, like appreciating their nutritional value, or trying them in a new recipe. With time and effort, you might find that you no longer hate tomatoes—or at least, you hate them a little less!

Comparing the Lists 

So, how do the two lists stack up?

• What You Believe is equivalent to Opinion (Beliefs)—both focus on your thoughts and judgments.

• What You Love or Hate aligns with Pursuit (Impulse or Desire)—the emotional drives that guide your actions.

• What You Are Attracted to or Avoid matches Aversion (What We Avoid)—the things you steer toward or away from.

In essence, both lists agree that our inner world—how we think, what we desire, and what we avoid—is under our control. Everything else? Not so much.

Applying the Principle: The Job You Hate

Let’s get serious for a moment. Suppose you’re stuck in a job you hate, bound by contract. How do you apply this Stoic principle?

1. Change What You Believe: Instead of dwelling on the negatives, try to see the job in a different light. What can you learn from it? How can it help you grow? Maybe it’s a test of your resilience or an opportunity to develop new skills.

2. Manage What You Love or Hate: While you might naturally dislike the job, you can work on controlling your emotional reaction to it. Remember, the job itself doesn’t make you unhappy—your reaction to it does. Focus on what you can control within the job, like the quality of your work or your interactions with colleagues.

3. Redirect What You Are Attracted to or Avoid: You might not be able to quit right away, but you can take steps within your control. Seek out tasks within the job that align with your interests, or start planning for a better future once the contract ends. Avoid unnecessary negativity by setting boundaries where you can.

Wrapping It All Up

So, what’s the takeaway? Life throws a lot of things our way that we can’t control. But by focusing on what we can control—our beliefs, desires, and aversions—we can navigate even the toughest situations with a sense of agency and calm. Whether it’s changing your opinion about tomatoes or finding peace in a job you hate, Stoic wisdom offers a practical guide to living well, no matter the circumstances.


Remember, the real power lies in how you think, feel, and act. That’s where true freedom—and true control—can be found.

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