Life Isn’t Fair

Life Isn’t Fair—So What? A Stoic Approach to Overcoming Disappointment

We’ve all heard those old clichés—“Life isn’t fair,” “Nice guys finish last,” and “You reap what you sow.” They get tossed around so often that they’ve almost lost their meaning.


There’s a reason these sayings stick with us. They reflect the messy reality we all face. Sure, life doesn’t always play by the rules, and good deeds don’t guarantee good outcomes. Yet, these phrases also hint at something deeper: the unpredictable nature of life and the importance of resilience, kindness, and staying true to your values, even when the world seems unfair.

So, what do we do when we don’t reap what we sow, or when we finish last—in other words, when life just isn’t fair? It’s a tough pill to swallow, and we all face it at some point. We work hard, play by the rules, and still come up short. It’s frustrating and disappointing, making us question everything we’ve been taught about hard work and justice.

But is this really life’s fault? What’s going on here? Why do we feel this way? When we feel cheated by life, it’s easy to point fingers at external circumstances.

Okay, I know this might be a surprise, but we’re going to dive into some Stoic philosophy to figure this out. Let’s explore what the Stoics have to say about handling life’s unpredictability.

“Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.” - Epictetus

This quote from Epictetus emphasizes the importance of focusing on your own actions and responses, rather than concerning yourself with the actions and achievements of others.

When we say ‘nice guys finish last,’ it sounds pretty defeatist, doesn’t it? What are we really saying here—that we didn’t get ahead because we’re too nice? Or are we suggesting that the person we envy got where they are by cheating?

Saying ‘life isn’t fair’ kind of feels like a cop out, doesn’t it? I mean, really, how can we say that? When we toss out ‘life isn’t fair,’ aren’t we just admitting that we’re expecting the world to care about our personal hopes and struggles, even though it’s pretty much indifferent?

You reap what you sow—it’s a biblical phrase, but are we really using it like that, or just as an excuse? Are we basically saying everything that happens to us, good or bad, is totally deserved because of our actions? Or are we just brushing off the roles of luck and circumstance, making it seem like everything that goes down is a direct result of what we do?

Let’s circle back to Epictetus and the idea of focusing on what truly concerns you, not others. Epictetus teaches that we have control only over our own actions and reactions.

So, essentially, all this talk about life not being fair is really about us not being content with what we have. We try to rationalize our disappointments by pointing out the unfairness of life, instead of focusing on what we can control.

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What are your thoughts on these age-old sayings? Have you found any personal strategies that help you navigate life’s unpredictability? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below. Let’s learn from each other and grow together in our understanding of what it truly means to live a resilient and purposeful life.

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